The Great Outdoors
by ElaineMc
Summary: Twelve Jedi students. Two Jedi Masters. One Jedi campsite. Do the math. This is an AU fic, and something like a sequel to "Breaking the Code".


The Great Outdoors

TITLE: The Great Outdoors   
DISCLAIMER: LucasFilm owns all. I'm just borrowing.   
SUMMARY: Twelve Jedi students. Two Jedi Masters. One Jedi campsite. Do the math. This is an AU fic, and something like a sequel to "Breaking the Code". 

"You know what I'd like to know?"

"What?"

"How."

Mace Windu looked up from his packing. "How what?"

"How do I let you talk me into these things?" Qui-Gon Jinn said, crossing his arms. 

They were in Mace's quarters, where the Master was putting the last of his things into a small rucksack. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mace asked, tightening the straps.

"I'm not a stupid man. Not a naive man. Not a careless man. But, somehow, I keep finding myself in these-- these _ludicrous_ situations. And I just don't understand it. I know it isn't Jedi mind control. So how?"

"It's fun," Mace said, simply, hefting the sack. He headed for the door.

Qui-Gon took up his own pack. "What?"

"Fun. You don't know how to have it, but you know you _should_ be. So, here you are. It's your subconscious at work, my friend."

"It's my lack of self-preservation at work." 

"We're going to be fine. We'll only be gone overnight, we'll be within easy distance of the Temple, if anything happens; and nothing's going to happen," Mace said firmly, as they walked down the hallway. 

"Every time you say that, we end up saying things like 'Well, it _seemed_ like a good idea' to Master Yoda," Qui-Gon muttered. He forced a smile as they emerged into the hallway, where he was unsurprised to find their weekend companions waiting for them.

"We're ready to go camping, masters," Obi-Wan Kenobi said, cheerfully.

-

The noise in the speeder was deafening. Twelve small children, all excited, all talking, all at the same time. Qui-Gon hunched his shoulders slightly-- a habit from adolescence he had never quite outgrown-- and concentrated on his driving. In the seat next to him, Mace was turned completely around, talking almost as loudly as the children.

"Can we have a campfire?"

"Yes, of course."

"Can we tell ghost stories?"

"Absolutely!"

"And go hiking, and swimming, and--"

"Yes, yes, yes. Anything you like," Windu said expansively. Qui-Gon repressed a whimper as a rousing cheer went up from their little crowd.

"All right, everyone, let's sing!" Mace said, clearly determined to make the most of the experience. Mace's problem, Qui-Gon had long ago decided, was that he was just a little too enthusiastic about _everything_. "One hundred bottles of juice on the wall, one hundred bottles of juice....!"

Qui-Gon didn't bother to repress his whimper, this time.

-

"Iiiiiffff one of those bottles should happen to fall, no more bottles of juice on the waaaaall!" Shrieks and applause filled the air. Qui-Gon relaxed slightly.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, in the seat directly behind Qui-Gon's, leaned forward to say, "Isn't this great, Master Qui-Gon? Isn't this great?"

"The greatest," he agreed. And then, the unbelievable happened. 

"Sing it again! sing it again!" shouted happy little voices.

And Mace-- damn him, damn him, _damn_ him-- obligingly began again. "One hundred bottles of juice...."

-

Five hours later ["Close to the Temple, my combat droid," Qui-Gon muttered.], he was in a much better mood. They had arrived at the nature dome without any actual disaster, and unloaded everyone's gear with minimal insanity. They had even got the pavilion they would be sleeping under erected-- even with the children helping. He eyed the pavilion's guy wires. He had tied strips of white cloth to them, to prevent anyone from tripping over them, hoping to minimise the chance of anyone doing themselves damage.

Now, everyone was sitting in a circle, eating the box lunches the Temple cafeteria had supplied them, and Qui-Gon's nerves were beginning to stop twanging. Of course, the fact that all the children were devouring their lunches like starving rancors meant that their energy levels would be peaking soon; but a nice, long nature hike should take the edge off. He looked at their small assembly. They were almost vibrating with suppressed energy.

Yes, a _very _long hike. Definitely.

-

"Master Qui-Gon, what's that tree called?"

"That's a kasaba tree."

"Where the fruit comes from?"

"Yes."

"What's that plant called?"

"That's called a..."

"The common name is sarlacc's tongue," Mace said, coming to his rescue. "See how it's all sticky and bumpy?"

"Eeeeeeew!" The squeals were more delighted than nauseated.

The question-and-answer session had begun within moments of the hike, and continued non-stop. So much for peaceful communing with nature.

Obi-Wan and Lesandre stayed close to Qui-Gon, sometimes talking to him, sometimes whispering between themselves. The Shistavanen wolfboy and his friend were constantly straying from the path; but only briefly. Given the boy's excellent tracking skills, Qui-Gon had no fear of their getting lost. 

He wasn't entirely sure of the rest of them, and that certainly included Mace, who was now lecturing three of the other children on how to tell the difference between male and female thridbirds.

"Master Qui-Gon?"

"Yes, Obi-Wan?"

"The Force is in everything, right?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Plants and animals, too?"

"Plants and animals, too."

"Then how come it's okay for us to eat them?"

"That's a very good question," Qui-Gon hedged. To his irritation, he noticed Mace watching them, waiting for his friend to come up with an answer.

"Nature has its own rules," he managed, at last. "Part of those rules determine where each lifeform falls on the food chain."

"So we're _supposed_ to eat other things? Even if they're part of the Force?"

"It's the natural way, Obi-Wan," he said. 

"Sometimes we get eaten, too," Lesandre pointed out, practically. "That's natural, too."

"Well, yes, I suppose--"

"Thanks, Master Qui-Gon! It makes more sense, now." The boys hurried off to join one of their friends, who was looking closely at a rock.

"They ask _hard_ questions," Qui-Gon said.

Mace nodded, soberly.

-

"Everyone, wait a moment." Qui-Gon's voice rang out over the children's, and they quieted. "This path is worn away at the edges by erosion. I want everyone to walk single file, and pay attention. It isn't dangerous, but the slope is very steep, so I want everyone to be _very careful_."

"Yes, Master Qui-Gon." Mace joined in the chorus, and they giggled.

"Good. I'll go first. Then all of you; and Master Mace will walk in the back."

At the end of the small path, Qui-Gon waited for the others to catch up. He felt obligated to say _something_; they were looking at him, with the awed expression that made him profoundly nervous.

"When we're with nature, we can feel the Force most clearly-- the living Force, in all its power. The wind and the earth; the birds, and the insects, and the plants. Even the things that can eat us." He smiled at Lesandre and Obi-Wan, and they both giggled. "We're part of something far greater than any single being." He noticed that Mace was hanging back, and took a step to the side, to see what was going on. "Is everything all right back there?"

"We're fine," Mace called back. "Ki'Tohr's caught on something."

Qui-Gon continued his little lecture. "We're part of a pattern; and, when we let the Force speak to us, we can see more clearly what our role in it will be. We can see where we are going; and who will join us on our journey through life." He moved to the side again, to make room for the others, as Mace reached them.

"One false step can lead to downfall," was an old Jedi proverb. The next moment, Qui-Gon became that proverb in action. Unfortunately, the nature of his downfall had less to do with morality, than with coming just a _little _too close to the edge of the path.

"That slope really _is_ steep," Ki'Tohr, a Noghri boy, said. He was clearly impressed with Qui-Gon's knowledge.

Mace looked down the slope. "You all right?"

"Just fine, thank you," came the reply.

"Do you need some help?" a cheerful, if somewhat concerned, voice asked.

"No, Obi-Wan. Thank you for asking." Qui-Gon made his way back up the slope carefully. 

_You're the only man I know who can keep his dignity even when he's sliding down a hill on his butt,_ Mace commented.

_Feel free to get stuffed at any time._

_No._

Silence.

_Absolutely not._

Silence.

_It's out of the question._

Silence.

The irresistible force was meeting the immovable object, and the object was winning.

"You can_not_ take that-- that _thing_ back to the camp with us," Mace hissed, keeping his voice too low to be overheard by the children.

Qui-Gon met his eyes evenly, but made no reply. In his arms, he cradled a tarirse with a newly-splinted broken leg. It was roughly the size of a cat, covered in thick, brown fur, with strong back legs, long, floppy ears, and a mouthful of nasty fangs. It narrowed its amber eyes at Mace.

"It's a wild animal. It can take care of itself."

"It's hurt," Qui-Gon replied, calmly. "If we leave it, it will die."

"What about the rules of nature?"

Silence.

"I don't believe it. It's happening again."

"What is?"

"Every time we go anywhere, you end up finding _something_ to drag home with you. You're like-- like a magnet for strays!"

"It's the responsibility of the strong to protect the weak."

"That _thing_ is not weak. It's a predator. It's _dangerous_."

"Doesn't seem too dangerous to me," Qui-Gon retorted. Mace had to agree with that. The animal seemed perfectly content to let Qui-Gon shelter it.

"Don't worry so much, Mace. I'll make sure it doesn't do any damage." Qui-Gon turned and walked off.

"Famous last words," Mace said, glumly, but followed.

Mace gathered all the children in a group, as they reached the campsite. "It's getting dark. Time for dinnner--"

"And songs!" 

"And songs. And then--"

"Ghost stories!"

"And ghost stories-- and then bed," Mace said, hurriedly.

The children scattered to wash dirty hands and faces, while the adults set out the box dinners. Qui-Gon settled the tarirse in a nest of rags, off to the side, cautioning the fascinated children to leave it alone.

"Can't we share our dinner with it? It looks hungry."

"It's a wild animal, Narren. They can take care of themselves," Qui-Gon said, automatically. Then, before Mace could make a sarcastic comment, added, hastily, "Once its leg is healed, it will be returned to the wild. We can't let it become too dependent on us."

"My parents raise Jubba birds," volunteered a young Quian boy, and the rest of dinner was taken up in questions and answers about the birds, their habits, and if they really used the Force, or if that was just a myth.

"Songtime!" Mace declared, as soon as the washing-up was finished. The children applauded happily.

"What do we sing first?" D'lar, the Quian, asked.

"Master Qui-Gon knows a good song-- all about birds," Mace said.

Qui-Gon was stricken speechless by this act of treachery. For about half a second. "I don't think I--"

"Sing it, Master Qui-Gon, sing it!"

"Please, sir?"

"Please, please, please!"

"Come on, Master Qui-Gon. Don't be a spoilsport," Mace said, grinning.

_You, Mace Windu, are a little, little man. _But he knew when he was beaten. He was a lousy singer, and he knew that, too. But he supposed he could at least say the words.

"I am a little yellow bird,   
I fly throughout the air.   
I fly above the puffy clouds,   
I fly to Everywhere."

Mace was smirking. Qui-Gon could feel his face reddening, but continued on, doggedly.

"I am a little yellow bird,   
And through the great big sky   
I flap my little yellow wings,   
Because I love to fly.

"I am a little yellow bird,   
I fly to where lands end.   
You know the reason why I fly?   
To see my friends again."

Mace led the applause. Qui-Gon relaxed. 

"I know that song, too!" Ki'Tohr said, his voice excited. "Can we do it again?"

"Of course!" Mace said, happily.

"Can we do the dance?"

Mace's smile grew even wider. "There's a dance?"

"Oh, yeah!"

"Oh, please. Yes, please, do the dance. Come on, Master Qui-Gon," Mace said. "Do the dance."

And so, flapping their arms and bobbing their heads, Ki'Tohr and Qui-Gon did the Yellow Bird Song, while the children clapped and cheered with sincere admiration, and Mace Windu tried his hardest not to wet his pants.

All good things come to an end, however, and finally-- after three encores-- Qui-Gon took his seat again, plotting vengeance.

"Time for a few stories, and then bed," he said, firmly.

"I know a good one!" Llyland, the other Shistavanen student, volunteered.

As he told the story-- something about woodcutters and a red hooded evildoer-- Qui-Gon let himself relax. Personal humiliation aside, it hadn't been such an awful day. The children were obviously having a wonderful time. With a little luck, they'd learned something, as well. 

"I know a good one," Mace said, when the oohs and ahhs had died down after the big finish. 

Qui-Gon had to admit that it was a pretty good story, and Mace told it well. As the other man's voice got lower and more ominous, the children crept closer to Qui-Gon, and their eyes got wider. Obi-Wan had pushed himself up against the Master's side. Gently, he lowered his arm to take in both the boy and his Shistavanen friend; and repeated the process on his other side, to gather several of the other children in. The remainder were clustered around his legs, pressing in tightly.

Mace was clearly enjoying himself, as he got closer to the story's climax. "...and the boy crept closer and closer to the bushes, as his friends watched. And he threw a rock in!"-- dramatic pause-- "and nothing happened. And he picked up a stick, and he poked the bushes!"-- another pause-- "and nothing happened. And the boy turned his back, and said 'There's nothing there!'" Long, long pause. "And then..." -- pause -- "A long, slimy tentacle reached out, and grabbed him by the leg, and dragged him in!" 

A shriek rose from all the children at once, and there wasn't even a little amusement in the sound.

"I think that's about enough," Qui-Gon said, although the damage had been done. Several of the younger boys were already eyeing the shrubbery with concern. "Time for bed." Twelve sets of enormous eyes looked at him in disbelief. "Now." 

Very reluctantly, the small party broke up, and they began to head for the pavilion and their sleeping bags. Qui-Gon glared at a surprised, and sheepish, Mace. 

"I didn't think they'd take it seriously...."

"Well, they did. Nicely done." 

When the Masters settled down in their own bedding, Qui-Gon was somewhat amused to find that the students in their bags were scooting themselves closer to the adults. 

"Master Mace?"

"Yes, Narren?"

"There isn't _really_ a Swamp Monster, is there?"

"Of course not. It was just a story." Windu's voice was calm and reassuring, and he sent a warm wave of comfort and protectiveness over their small charges, all of whom relaxed. He stretched out one long arm, and pulled Narren's bag a little closer. "The only thing anyone here has to be afraid of is Master Qui-Gon. If you wake him up too early in the morning, he's a real grouch."

Sleepy giggles answered this sally, so Qui-Gon added, "Just you remember that, all of you. Now, go to sleep. Good night."

"Night, sir."

And silence reigned over the site.

-

Something just under the level of consciousness woke Qui-Gon. A slight exertion of the Force told him Mace was awake, too. There was something near the camping site.

Careful not to wake the sleeping children, both adults slipped from their bags, and out of the pavilion. The night was very cool, and the moon shining overhead, very bright. They could see nothing.

_I know I felt it. _

Mace nodded. _So did I. I didn't bring my lightsaber._

_Me, neither._

A very faint rustle made both men reorient themselves... to see nothing. 

_I'll go around the back, _Mace sent. _You take the firepit._

Qui-Gon nodded, and they both moved off.

Qui-Gon had just got to their little circle, barely five metres away, when he heard the shriek of twelve little voices, upraised in panic.

"It's the Swamp Monster!"

He turned on his heel, and sprinted back, long legs covering the distance in an instant. From behind the pavilion, he could hear Mace cursing; and from the pavilion's entrance, all twelve students emerged. The corner poles collapsed; and the tent came swooping down. A struggling figure in the middle of the material bore witness to the fact that there was _something _there. 

Mace extracted himself from the folds at the back, and limped up. "That-- thing-- you saved bit the _Sith_ out of me," he gasped. "I tripped on a guywire, and--" He realised the attention of the others was on the pavilion.

Slowly, the material began to rise into the air.

"It's the Swamp Monster," whispered the tiny Geelan boy.

"No," Mace whispered. "It's worse."

The pavilion continued to rise.

"What is it?" The boy's eyes were enormous.

Qui-Gon's deep voice replied, "Master Yoda."

Qui-Gon and Mace waited for their fate to be determined. Before them, Master Yoda was pacing-- never a good sign. The tip of his walking stick clicked with each step, in perfect rhythm. Under ordinary circumstances, this could be amusing. Under the current circumstances, the tap-tap-tap was disturbing. 

At last-- just when Qui-Gon was ready to scream-- he turned to look at them both. "At a loss for words, I am." Of course, he wasn't. The only reason Jedi never said "I told you so", is that it was too short. "Jedi, you are. Make a good example for the children, you should."

"Yes, Master Yoda."

"Teach them to be aware of their surroundings, you should. Fall down hills, you should not."

"No, Master Yoda."

"Introduce them to nature, you should. Adopt carnivorous animals, you should not."

"No, Master Yoda."

"Encourage their imagination, you should. Terrify them with stories, you should _not_."

"No, Master Yoda."

"Came out to see how you were doing. An error in judgment, _that_ was." Yoda took a deep breath and looked at them. Looked away. Paced some more. Tap-tap-tap. He turned to them both. "Talk to you now, I cannot. Go to your quarters. Meditate."

The two younger men paused.

"Go. Now."

Two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. This fundamental law was proven, as both men tried to exit the chamber at the same moment. A brief struggle ensued, which Mace won [barely]. 

Safely in the hall, the friends were uncharacteristically subdued. Other Masters gave them a wide berth as they passed. It was clear that word of their little adventure had spread through the Temple; the look on each the face of each passer-by said, as clearly as words, "Sucks to be you guys."

"You realise, we're never living this down," Mace said, at last.

"I'm just glad I'm getting a chance to live _through_ it," Qui-Gon said.

"It wasn't _that_ bad."

"Like Sith, it wasn't."

"Admit it. Some of it was fun."

Qui-Gon didn't bother to answer. 

Mace sighed, then said, "You know, they're going to do a nature trip to Endor soon. I was thinking--"

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't think. Not ever again."

"_Someone_'s grumpy."

"Mace...."

"All right, all right. No more teasing."

They walked a few more metres. 

"Qui-Gon?"

"_What?_"

"You know, you looked really cute, doing that little dance."

Qui-Gon chased him all the way back to his quarters.

-

The Jedi's fist made the door shake in its housing. "Windu! You can't hide in there forever, you son of a space slug! Come out here, so I can kick your--"

"Master Qui-Gon?"

Qui-Gon stopped, and looked down. Obi-Wan Kenobi and Lesandre. What a surprise.

"Yes, children?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, just fine. I was just... going to say good night to Master Mace," he said. Well, he wasn't stretching the truth _too_ much.

"Okay. Well... we just wanted to say thanks. It was a lot of fun," Obi-Wan said. 

Lesandre nodded. "I've never been on such a neat camping trip before."

"I'm glad it was fun. Now, both of you need to be on your way to your quarters. I'm going to mine, myself," he added, turning reluctantly from Windu's door.

As they walked down the hall, Obi-Wan was watching him closely. "Sir?"

"Yes, Obi-Wan?"

"Did you get your nose broken when you were a padawan?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I did."

"Was Master Mace there when it happened?"

"Yes, he was."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I kind of thought so. Bye, Master Qui-Gon."

"Good-bye." He watched the youngsters turn down the corridor that would take them to the children's quarters. For a moment, he considered renewing his assault on Mace's door, then changed his mind. Time enough for his revenge later.

A long, hot shower later and a cup of tea later, Qui-Gon collapsed into bed. Once again, he was covered with bruises. Once again, his pride had taken quite a beating. But... taken all in all, it had been a pretty good trip.

He dialled down the lights, and settled in for a sound night's sleep. In the corner, the tarirse snored.

_Swamp monster!_

_Go to **sleep**, Windu._

_I am, I am. Good night._

_Mmph. 'Night._

END


End file.
